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After careful consideration and negotiations with various ethereal entities, we are pleased to announce that Witchfork has been acquired by an undisclosed multidimensional conglomerate. This acquisition marks a new chapter in our journey, and we are excited about the opportunities it presents for our community of otherworldly writers and diviners.

We will continue to keep you informed about the future developments of Witchfork under its new ownership. In the meantime, we encourage you to explore and engage with the vast library of fascinating and deeply untrustworthy writing that our platform has to offer.

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May our creative endeavors continue to flourish in realms beyond.

The Witchfork Team


A. G. Cook Takes His Time


A. G. Cook

April 24, 2024

Images by Julian Klincewicz
Images by Julian Klincewicz

When I was eight years old I buried a Power Rangers lunchbox in the back garden. It was stuffed with vital memorabilia. CD-ROMs of P.A.W.S. and The Neverhood. Intricate drawings that attempted to map out the locales of my dreams. 

I also left questions for my future self, scribbled on small pieces of multicoloured card. When I was ten I dug up the box, intending to answer the questions, but it was clear that not enough time had passed. Instead, I just wrote down more questions. A ritual had been established, and every two years I added more and more pieces of card, jamming them between the plastic toys and discs of my childhood.

Throughout my teenage years I approached the buried lunchbox with a mix of embarrassment and indifference, but I couldn't resist adding just one more question every now and then, for old time's sake. When I went to university, my parents moved to a new flat and my life had a completely different pace. I forgot about the box, its questions, and those extremely valuable CD-ROMs.

Earlier this year, when I was finishing my album, my parents received a letter from the rather unusual man who had moved into our old place. He had attempted to build a miniature “banqueting house” in the centre of that small garden, a tribute Britain’s history of gothic follies. His spade had hit my Mighty Morphin treasure trove and he fairly quickly deduced that it must be mine. Apparently the garden folly is yet to be built, but I’m pleased to finally have a chance to answer some of these questions, now that the time has come.

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Age 8: Do you have any pets? We were thinking of getting a Grey parrot but the man at the shop said it would be too hard to take care of.

I remember that incident at the pet shop well. We never did have any pets, or even try after that. I did “co-own” a family friend’s pet tortoise, but I think this was done out of pity. I’ve always been a bit awkward with animals, but I think some animals respond quite well to that. You know - not overdoing it. I think the connections between people and animals are very interesting… This may or may not be true, but I heard that humans and wolves (before they were domesticated into dogs) bonded because of their similar sleep cycles. They could go to sleep, wake up and carry on walking or hunting while being completely in step. It’s a nice thought, that we might have bonds that span millenia.

Age 10: Do you still read instruction manuals? Do you still enjoy building things with LEGO? I just made an ice fortress.

I do quite like instruction manuals, yes! I don’t quite have the same appetite for them, but I remember what made them so engaging. The diagram and occasional exploded-view drawing, surrounded by endless text. It could all mean something if you really paid attention, but it was also just raw complexity. I still enjoy getting lost in stuff like that… And yes LEGO is great. The botanical collection of flowers and plants seems to be the most socially acceptable version of it for me right now, but maybe I’ll be more ambitious and build another ice fortress in the future.


Age 12: Have you learned any new hobbies or skills? What’s something you’re really good at now?

I wonder if I’ve learned any truly new skills lately. They all seem to be new branches of existing skill trees, or even circular branches where I relearn old skills in a new way - but maybe that’s a good thing? I relearned guitar a few years ago, turning muscle memory back into something that felt new. Music is generally very suggestive. You might find yourself tweaking with a sound, then exploring a whole genre. Chords, synthesis, technology… they’re all waiting for you, just a rabbit hole away. 

Age 14: Have you read any good books lately? I just finished reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was pretty good but I’m not sure I want to read all of the Chronicles of Narnia.

I should reread Narnia… You know, I do have some recommendations for a time traveller such as yourself. Roadmarks by Roger Zelazny, The Book of the New Sun by Gene Wolfe, Time’s Arrow by Martin Amis. I’ve always been drawn to stories like that. There are really so many ways to approach it. I like to think about Merlyn in T. H. White’s The Once and Future King, living backwards, room cluttered with anachronisms.

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Age 16: Do you still like Room On Fire? Can you still play the solo in Reptilia?

It’s strange how our music taste shifts back & forth. For a while, my interest in Room On Fire had faded - or worse than that, I would have been completely uninterested in it - but now I’m convinced that it’s one of the best albums of all time. And it’s not entirely about nostalgia. There’s something in the way it’s written, the sound of keyboards transposed onto guitars, and the effortless balancing act between tidiness and chaos… That guitar solo might be in there somewhere.

Age 18: Are you signed to a record label yet? How’s the music scene treating you?

That’s a tough question, but the scene is treating me fine, I think! Record labels are a real question mark for me. It wouldn’t really be a music industry without them - or would it? So much has changed, but to some degree I’m very, very used to being my own A&R, playing myself against myself, asking myself questions. I don’t know if you have any way of getting this message… but I wouldn’t worry about it. My advice is always the same: just keep doing things that only you could do, dig deeper into those idiosyncrasies. The time is now!